The recent incidents of young people committing suicide is such a sad and painful situation. What is it that drives a person to think that there is no hope for their situation? I can only answer this from my own experience.When I was younger, much younger, I was in a situation that I feared I could not get out, I was in what Alcoholics Anonymous refers to as a 'seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.' I feared there was no one available to listen to me, no one would understand or that no one would 'get it,' I prayed my ass off. I asked for some sign of hope from what I would now refer to as a Higher Power. And somewhere deep inside of me there was a message that I needed to hear, 'there is more for you, it's not your time.'
That was over 30 years ago. That voice was a sign from God, whom I choose to call my Higher Power. I realize today that my hopelessness was being driven by my fears; fear that the situation would never end, that no one would understand, that I would be shamed for what was going on, fear that I should be thrown to the trash. After all, I was hearing these messages from the perpetrator who told me that I was worthless, not lovable, that I would not amount to anything. These are the fears that were being instilled in me, and being a teenager, I believed him and feared he was right. Obviously I did not commit suicide, but I an never forget that feeling.I remember being bullied because of my race/ethnicity; until the age of nine I grew up in a neighborhood where Hispanics were the minority and African Americans/Blacks were the majority in Houston's Third Ward. I was picked on because of my skin color. I hated it. I pretended to be sick on some days because I feared I would be subjected to the harassment.
Then in my third grade, my family moved to a predominately Caucasian/White neighborhood in the Cypress ISD, the same school district where Asher Brown attended. Boy, it was rough for this overweight Hispanic child. The favorite name my brother and I were called was 'Taco' not 'Spic' or other derogatory names, but 'Taco'. Most days on the bus, we were called these names as we rode the bus home from Arnold Middle School; same school that my nieces attended. My younger brother would get in fights constantly. He was too young to remember the Third Ward, but he sure did fight for his Hispanic Heritage on that bus on a regular basis.Being picked on because you are different is PAINFUL. WORDS HURT! Teenagers already feel LOST, why must they be bullied by their PEERS? Just because someone is different doesn't mean you have to FEAR them. Our DIFFERENCES is what makes us GREAT and UNIQUE! If you want to be accepted by others, you must ACCEPT others!
By the way, I did amount to something - I am a wife, a partner, a sister, an Aunt, I have a License as a Master Social Worker, I am a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor, and advocate, I work with those challenged by addiction on a daily basis and love it! I know what the sun feels like on my face in at least six different countries and what the ocean looks like through snorkeling gear in about three different countries.
I am also a Recovering Addict, clean & sober for over 20 years! So far I am doing good. If I had given in to my fears, I would not have experienced all that life has given me.
Thank you GOD for giving me this life so far, I expect more wonderful things ahead!
