THE FEARS!

The recent incidents of young people committing suicide is such a sad and painful situation. What is it that drives a person to think that there is no hope for their situation? I can only answer this from my own experience.

When I was younger, much younger, I was in a situation that I feared I could not get out, I was in what Alcoholics Anonymous refers to as a 'seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.' I feared there was no one available to listen to me, no one would understand or that no one would 'get it,' I prayed my ass off. I asked for some sign of hope from what I would now refer to as a Higher Power. And somewhere deep inside of me there was a message that I needed to hear, 'there is more for you, it's not your time.' 

That was over 30 years ago. That voice was a sign from God, whom I choose to call my Higher Power. I realize today that my hopelessness was being driven by my fears; fear that the situation would never end, that no one would understand, that I would be shamed for what was going on, fear that I should be thrown to the trash. After all, I was hearing these messages from the perpetrator who told me that I was worthless, not lovable, that I would not amount to anything. These are the fears that were being instilled in me, and being a teenager, I believed him and feared he was right. Obviously I did not commit suicide, but I an never forget that feeling.

I don't know what's it's like to be bullied because of my sexual preference or gender identity, but I do know what it's like to be in a 'hopeless state of mind and body.' I can only imagine what these young people suffered through in their bullying experiences. And as a young person today, not being accepted because of their identity is probably the most fearful, painful situation they are experiencing. But it does get better, things change.
I remember being bullied because of my race/ethnicity; until the age of nine I grew up in a neighborhood where Hispanics were the minority and African Americans/Blacks were the majority in Houston's Third Ward. I was picked on because of my skin color. I hated it. I pretended to be sick on some days because I feared I would be subjected to the harassment. 
Then in my third grade, my family moved to a predominately Caucasian/White neighborhood in the Cypress ISD, the same school district where Asher Brown attended. Boy, it was rough for this overweight Hispanic child. The favorite name my brother and I were called was 'Taco' not 'Spic' or other derogatory names, but 'Taco'. Most days on the bus, we were called these names as we rode the bus home from Arnold Middle School; same school that my nieces attended. My younger brother would get in fights constantly. He was too young to remember the Third Ward, but he sure did fight for his Hispanic Heritage on that bus on a regular basis.
Being picked on because you are different is PAINFUL. WORDS HURT! Teenagers already feel LOST, why must they be bullied by their PEERS? Just because someone is different doesn't mean you have to FEAR them. Our DIFFERENCES is what makes us GREAT and UNIQUE! If you want to be accepted by others, you must ACCEPT others!

BULLYING MUST STOP NOW!

By the way, I did amount to something - I am a wife, a partner, a sister, an Aunt, I have a License as a Master Social Worker, I am a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor, and advocate, I work with those challenged by addiction on a daily basis and love it! I know what the sun feels like on my face in at least six different countries and what the ocean looks like through snorkeling gear in about three different countries. 
I am also a Recovering Addict, clean & sober for over 20 years! So far I am doing good. If I had given in to my fears, I would not have experienced all that life has given me.

Thank you GOD for giving me this life so far, I expect more wonderful things ahead!

POZ - Newsfeed : Condom Machines Installed in San Francisco Jail

POZ - Newsfeed : Condom Machines Installed in San Francisco Jail

Does AIDS punish?

I was on TWITTER the other day while at lunch and I saw this post by a woman I followed that said "but AIDS on the other hands is a punishing disease" and was curious. Does AIDS punish? I tweeted to her that I felt those two words "AIDS"and "punish" should not be in the same sentence. She did not like that and the tweets began. So I had to think about this a little.
Does AIDS punish, not in my opinion!
What AIDS does do is break down the immune system to the point that the immune system can't fight off any opportunistic infections such as Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia (PCP) or Kaposi's Sarcoma (KS).  Eventually the person who has AIDS, based on their treatment, can die from an AIDS related illnesses. Of course as I have heard, no one needs to get AIDS today, not with the medications that are available to treat HIV infection. In reality, according to the CDC stats once HAART therapy began, deaths from AIDS related illnesses have declined. If you want more education, I always suggest people go to THE BODY.COM where the information is discussed thoroughly.
Punish, as defined by Merriam-Webster  
Definition of PUNISH verb \ˈpə-nish\
transitive verb - 1 a : to impose a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation b : to inflict a penalty for the commission of (an offense) in retribution or retaliation

2 a : to deal with roughly or harshly b : to inflict injury on : hurt intransitive verb

: to inflict punishment — punishable adjective— punisher noun

Examples of PUNISH

• I think that murderers should be punished by life imprisonment.
• She was punished for lying.

Why would I want to believe that a disease that was contracted through unsafe sex or through an addiction is here to punish me? What I would be saying is that I did something bad and wrong, that I SHOULD BE punished for my sins of unsafe sex and addiction.  WAIT! didn't Jerry Farwell say that? "Columnist Pat Buchanan calls the disease "Nature's revenge on homosexuals," and Rev. Jerry Falwell calls it "proof of society's moral decay." In 1983, Falwell and gay minister Rev. Troy Perry square off over God and AIDS on CBC's The Journal. ". I wonder where he is, Heaven or Hell? Oh well, he's silent now.
Do I need to be punished for contracting a disease that millions share? If so, who is here to judge me for that? Well not Mr, Farwell anymore!

Why would anyone want to look to something that encompasses their body as a punishment? I have often believed 'where the mind goes, the body follows.' If I send negative messages to my body, then it could be destructive, therefore saying that there is a disease in my body that is punishing me is like making it worse on the psyche and the body.
Punishing is not taking treatment. If there is a treatment, then it must be adhered to, otherwise, then I AM PUNISHING my BODY because I AM NOT following the suggested treatment.

Punishing is continuing unsafe sex or other behaviors that will cause me to be re-infected or infect others.
Punishing is INTENTIONALLY having UNSAFE SEX, just to get back to those who might have given it to me.
Punishing is not taking care of myself mentally.
Punishing is not being educated on what the disease does.
Punishing is not following doctor's orders.
Punishing is shaming myself for contracting a disease.

Punishing is NOT MY JOB!

Again, I caution anyone to use the words 'AIDS' and 'PUNISHING' in any sentence. There are enough people in this world who want to believe that, why add to their shame and guilt.

 

TO FOLLOW OR UNFOLLOW - THAT IS THE QUESTION?

More and more as I participate in TWITTER, I wonder about how people determine whether or not to Follow someone. I have realized who the spammers are - they're the ones that don't have any tweets, or the ones that have the same tweet, over and over. Don't follow those tweeters!
But, what I have wondered about are those folks who use Twitter a lot, tweeting about their lives, or their aimless thoughts and actions they feel others want to hear about. The people I wonder about are those who don't FOLLOW but only a few other Tweeters, but yet they have lots of Followers. Are these folks are interesting? Or do they think they are interesting?
Do they feel that people want to follow them; but yet they don't repay the courtesy. Do they feel that what They say is more important than what Others say? I am sure they do!

It is true that you DON'T have to follow back everyone who follows you. However, if you have 2,150 Followers, and yet you only Follow 415, what's up here? Are you kidding me? These people who follow you must be of some interest, after all they are following YOU!
As I tweet along they happy road called Twitter, I read postings by fellow tweeters such as MASHABLE or MINERVITY that write about Social Media Etiquette and how to best participate in Twitter. Some report it is best to "join the conversation" to get the full benefits of Twitter!
So are these folks that have lots of followers and follow few more important?
Are they actually engaged in Twitter or do they use it correctly?
I also wonder, what is their ego about? Do they feel that following few people is good for their ego or does it help define their sense of self to see their Followers List grow?
Just some thoughts about whether or not to Follow people on the Twitter!

Zenhabits

Zenhabits

Self-Care: Replenish the body and soul!

These days with all of the instant connections we have, cell phone, laptop, iPad, iPod, or whatever the latest, coolest gadget is, is it possible to get in some self-care?
First, what is self-care? Wikipedia defines it as "Self care is personal health maintenance. It is any activity of an individual, family or community, with the intention of improving or restoring health, or treating or preventing disease." Sounds like first you have to know what personal health maintenance is; then you have know if there is something to do to improve your health.
Do most people know what their health maintenance is?
If a person watches TV or goes on-line, they may experience a bombard of ads telling them what is ailing them and what pill or what's the latest fad diet to help lose weight and fix them. Since we are so busy, these instant fixes sound easy and care free. But are they? After trying the pills or fad diets, the news is full of the recalls or problems caused by the fad diets, it's not worth it, really!
Self-care can be something simple and easy:

• Take a relaxing bath
• Drink a cup of tea
• Take a power nap
• Get a massage
• Get a pedicure or manicure
• Journal on a regular basis
• Talk to a friend
• Close your eyes for a few minutes while listening to relaxing music
• Buy a new mattress
• Eat healthy
• Walk your dog(s)
• Go for a jog
• Hire a maid or cleaning person
• Go to the gym
• Swim laps
• Attend church on a regular basis or utilize prayer

More planned self-care could be any of the following:

• Scheduled weekly massage
• Have lunch with friends on a regular basis
• See a therapist or counselor
• Take a vacation
• Work out with a Trainer
• A daily walk with a neighbor or friend
• Buy new clothes that fit after losing weight on the self-care diet!

Any of these choices help out with feelings of being overwhelmed, which is what usually causes a person to be more susceptible to illness, fatigue and low motivation.
Self-care is about replenishing the soul or body, but first a person has to know that they need replenishment. Take inventory of how you are feeling each day - keep track on a calendar, phone, computer or your journal. Keep an eye on what times seem to be most stressful, then figure out how to do some self-care!
As a Social Work student, during my education for my Master's, it was hard for me to find self-care, but I was able to manage a pedicure and manicure on a regular basis! Also, I was very much aware of the need to replenish myself, so now I have found time to take vacations with my husband more consistently and have taken relaxing vacations-cruises and all inclusive facilities, where I don't have to do anything but prop my feet up and soak in the sun!

PRACTICE SELF-CARE - YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Best in Surf: Dogs Ride the Waves

Best in Surf: Dogs Ride the Waves

How to Deprogram Bullies: Teaching Kindness 101

How to Deprogram Bullies: Teaching Kindness 101

Diary of a Sleep Study Contestant

For the past few years I have been waken up by my husband to 'turn over' because I was snoring too loud. I have been kindly sleeping on my stomach with my head turned to the right so he doesn't hear my snoring. After much discussion with others, I finally decided to invest in a sleep study. 

Invest indeed! First I had to go to my Primary Care doctor to get orders; next I looked up a local hospital that provides sleep studies. After discussing my sleep history with the staff, I sent them my orders, with insurance documentation, along with my picture ID.

I then spoke with the Admissions staff, who informed me that I would have to pay my deductible. This is were the investment comes in, I have not met my deductible, which is $2,500, so I had to basically pay for the study. Needless to say after two 'study' nights, I will be very close to meeting my deductible.
I was informed by the hospital staff that I would arrive in the evening, my appointment was at 9:00 P.M., and that I would leave early in the morning, 6:30 A.M. I was also given a description of what would happen; if the first night shows that I am having problem with my breathing or heart rate, then they would suggest a second night for further investigation.

So I signed up for a Saturday night, put my PJs in a bag, toothbrush, etc. and arrived on time for the evening. Little did I know what was in store for me!

I was 'wired up', no less than 20 wires were connected to my body - my legs, chest, chin, throat, around my chest, in my hair, around the waist, and a wire that was like two toothpicks that were right under my nose with a connecting wire that was in front of my mouth. Whew! I looked like the Borg from "Star Trek" movies and the statement "resistance is futile" kept going in my head! All of these wires were cleverly gathered together and plugged into a little blue 'box' that was plugged into a wall mounted computer connection. These would monitor everything from my breathing to snoring sounds to how much I 'kick' my legs. Once the blue box was plugged in, then I had to inform the sleep lab staff of my bathroom needs and he would have to unplug the blue box, which was carried on my neck with a lanyard and all of the wires plugged in, it was a careful bathroom break! A look in the bathroom mirror, all I thought about was the Borg! "Resistance is futile!"

So I slept or tried to sleep. I woke up at least two times, normal for me, once just cause and the other time was a bathroom break. The lab staff had to come in once to put back on the finger monitor, and yes, I was watched like Big Brother! Before the staff came in, I would hear his voice over the speaker informing me of his need to enter. And, yes, there was a camera recording the session.

In the morning, I was awaken by 6:30 A.M. and all attached wires were removed. I had about as much rest as I usually did. I asked about any results, he could not give me any due to the reports having to go to my doctor, but he did say, "you will probably have to come for a second night." That second night would entail me having to use a breathing machine, and yes more monitors attached, as well as meeting the deductible for my insurance!

I came home and slept for three more hours! Resistance to sleep was futile!

Temple Grandin

Temple Grandin
Excellent Woman Hero!

Annise Parker

Annise Parker

The Silhouettes of the City

At least three times a week I travel through downtown Houston to get to my gym. As I am driving through the edge of the city, there are people always on the sidewalks. I often wonder if the people driving ever notice these silhouettes or do they just make sure their doors are locked as they pass the faceless figures. The street I drive on is Fannin which has become the main thoroughfare for the METRO bus system since the addition of the rail line. On this street there are agencies like Lord of the Streets, The Men’s Center, Planned Parenthood and SEARCH. These agencies mainly serve the homeless population, so the silhouettes are usually the nameless homeless of the city.
They are the people that I serve on a consistent basis; they are the people that the city wants to ignore.
But they are people; and each of them has a story.
They may be a person who is standing in line at Lord of the Streets who needs their ID because the last time they had one it was stolen at the homeless shelter and now they need an original to get his Social Security card to be able to apply for a job.
They might be the person who has just left SEARCH going to their part-time job, which they are glad to have because it puts food in their mouth and allows them to add money to their METRO Pass.
The silhouettes might be the Christian protesters at Planned Parenthood carrying signs or literature, they are not homeless, but appear to be familiar with the homeless of Fannin.
The guy in his sweat pants sitting outside of the Men’s Center might be enjoying his first cup of coffee for the day before he heads to work to earn minimum wage to pay the weekly rent for the roof over his head. He might be praying or meditating and thanking his Higher Power for one more day of sobriety that allows him to live at a place that will make him a sandwich for his work day and keep him safe from the streets.
The guy with the backpack waiting at the bus stop might be leaving SEARCH and going to a job interview for the third time this week; this time he hopes they don’t ask him about the three felonies that are a direct result of his drug use, but now he is sober.
The woman figure walking into Planned Parenthood might be going to get an abortion because she knows she has been using PCP, is HIV+ and doesn’t want to have the baby from the boyfriend who just dumped her for his old girlfriend.
The young guy walking to his car at The Men’s Center might be heading to his job selling cars just outside of the city and is happy to have a place to come home to, even if it’s the shelter. He feels at home with the recovery addicts, he feels good about his sobriety today and good about choosing to live there.
Most of these silhouettes are people who are getting their lives together; but I can only imagine that the people driving by only see silhouettes. They may fear them. They are just people driving by, not paying attention to those on the streets, unaware that these people on the sidewalks are getting their lives together, one day at a time, one piece of paper at a time, one bus route at a time and grateful that the agencies are there to help them. They are not silhouettes; they are people.

The Dentist

So today I went to the dentist for the first time in two years. I did not think much of it, except I hate the drilling sound. However I think that since I have been getting my nails done I have grown accustomed to the noise, it is not as scary as it used to be.
I have dreaded dental visits because I have been scrutinized for having a medical condition, a previous dentist questioned me extensively about it. I felt at that time I was judged, so I avoided the dental visit for at least six years. However, two years ago, I ended up with a broken tooth due to lack of dental treatment. I was so humiliated, here I am an HIV educator and expressed to my clients the need to maintain their dental care and I had a broken tooth. So, I worked my way through the insurance system and found the dentist very near to me. She was great, did a root canal and crowned that tooth, with no shame or questions! So last week, I went back, but the first dentist I visited was not there, she had built her practice and sold the business, smart woman!
Today I was not prepared to have dental work, I went assuming an examination would occur and then schedule any procedure for later. However, I was able to get in and get it done today. The dentist gave me laughing gas, never have I had laughing gas. As a recovery addict, I fear anything that would feel too good, and this was a good feeling drug. The dentist said it calmed down her patients, because most people had dental work, I am not alone. I was a little tipsy, but I noticed that the dentist and her assistant were laughing more than me! I told her, with my swollen tongue and huge lips, 'I think the gas is for you, not me.' The dentist thought that was cute!
So two hours later, I had an extremely swollen mouth, a tongue that didn't work, lips that were extremely big, and my teeth cleaned with two cavities filled! Whew!
I did not think that the system could work that fast, and it was less than $75 for the entire services.
Thank you Crown Dental and Dr. K. Lee.